Hanging in & onto hope!

Whoa!  Cannot believe it has been so long since our last blog post!  We have been busy working on continuing to get our information out there.  Thus far...we've mailed our fliers/postcards & business cards to over 250 departments/agencies, homes and shelters all along the east coast.  Many, many more to go...trust me that is only the tip of the ice burg!  We are also working on a dedicated Facebook page and new YouTube video that we hope to have done within the next few weeks.  We have had a few adoption leads that unfortunately have fallen through...but are so thankful for the experience and education that we have gained from them.  Everything happens for a reason and we truly feel that those babies were not meant for us.

Thank you to all our close friends & family that continue to think about us and check in with us along this journey.  Your support has been invaluable and does not go unnoticed! 

As we have said on numerous occasions...we have learned a lot these past few years.  You can't go through big challenges without it changing you.  When big challenges of any sort arise, when something or everything is on the line (it strangely doesn't seem to matter whether its infertility, adoption, a perplexing developmental challenge with a child, or illness) what most people do is panic.  Then fall into some version of victim mode: "Why me? Why not her? What did I do wrong?  Why is my life so hard?  What if it doesn't work out?"  Hopelessness, despair, freaking out, temper tantrums, getting mad at your spouse, etc...Believe me, I've done them all and then some.

I recently stumbled across a blog from someone who has successfully adopted 4 children and talked about her epiphany that I think...we are finally getting to.  This is what she said:

During my four adoptions, I was way too busy stressing out and worrying that I'd never become a mother to notice...When you've had your fill of panic and despair...when you've completely moaned and screamed yourself out...when you're so bored with your own sad story you can't listen to it one more time..That's when, if you're lucky, it slowly starts to dawn on you that there may in fact be something WAY bigger going on here.  You start to glimpse this kind of ass backwards, elephant-in-the living room opportunity sitting there quietly waiting for you to notice it in the midst of the gooey mess of your life.  I've interviewed and worked with hundreds of women who adopt and I'm here to tell you, most women who adopt never get beyond the panic mode.

But if you're reading this then you are probably not the average mom or mom-to-be.  And you may or may not have already started to figure it out for yourself: No woman comes fully prepared to be the mother her children need her to be.  We are made or broken in crisis.  It's not the easy times or the smooth times that set the course of our lives.  We are defined and shaped by uncertain times.  The kind of life we are going to have.  The kind of mothers and women we are going to be for the children we may or may not even have met yet.  People talk a lot about the pain of childbirth.  But becoming the mother you were meant to be...happens on so many other deeper levels.  And it isn't always pretty.

Below are the lessons I want to share with you from my journey to the uncharted wild lands of radical & rapid personal transformation.  Here are my three steps to handle setbacks and challenges with authenticity and presence instead of panic & victim hood:

1. Do it differently.  When challenges arise, ask yourself what most people would be doing in your situation.  Then do it differently.  If you want an extraordinary life, then don't follow the pack.  Give yourself permission to put yourself first, take the time to tune in, and screw what it looks like from the outside.  If you want to bring home your child by the end of 2014, in the current climate of adoption, you're going to need to make some fierce & creative choices.  The pack mentality will never help you in adoption.  If you haven't noticed, the women who adopt successfully and quickly often seem to be the exception to the rule.  Just breathing and giving yourself permission to do it your way is something 99% of women who adopt don't ever think of doing.
2. This is your moment!  Recognize through the tears and frustration: This is your moment.  Everything in your life has been leading up to your facing down this challenge.  It sounds so simple, but just noticing 'whoa! I'm having a big life defining moment here!' can pull you out of panic and victim mode and give you the awareness to turn fear into power.
3. Surrender to the wisdom of uncertainty.  There is nothing scarier than uncertainty.  We women don't like to feel out of control.  We like to feel competent.  But sometimes, like when you're doing something crazy difficult like adoption, you have to admit you don't have all the answers.  But if you can kind of be okay with the fact that yes; your life is never going to be the same (or like everyone elses).  YOU are never going to be the same.  And maybe it will work out the way you want and maybe it won't.  And maybe this is not what you planned.  When you stop holding so tight to your dreams & desires, you actually allow yourself to become bigger than you were before.  Because your past no longer defines you.  You open to new possibilities.  That's when cool things start to happen.

We know we have a long way to go still, but we feel that we are on to something bigger than ourselves...bigger than our family & friends and although scary...we are excited in the transformation our lives are leading us.

Thanks for reading and thanks for your support!  We will update soon with new information.